I'm now convinced that all guys do the following things at some point in their life:

1) Seriously contemplate opening a bar with a bunch of buddies (Ming to handle the strippers dancing in the cages, Jonson to lead the bouncer team, Schemez to handle the bitches for MODEL NIGHTS, Mike to lead the bar team - but no more strawberry martinis for you fagboi, Sam, yes fine, you can do the accounting books and computer crap you fucekn geek, and Chow to handle Wednesday GAY NIGHTS.)

2) Contemplate that a relationship with a stripper could work (its failed once for us, lets give it anohter go around).

3) Toss around the idea of writing a book about their college years (Jonson - youre so fucken lucky I was your friend, you loser - that in it self will be dedicated to chapter 14).
 
4) Make an honest effort to count cards at a blackjack table (close to impossible, but each of us have come close - which has led to more loss of personal funds).

5) Buy a lottery ticket with three buddies with the understanding, "If we win, we're buying a sports team."(No, I will not choose the Mets, Knicks, or Jets - that would be too obvious and gay.  I say we go for DALLAS COWBOYS and just run the team into the ground)

6) Pop a Viagra just to see what happens (THIS WAS SUNG'S IDEA - NOT MINE)

Ranking the best "Take one for the team" shows that guys surprisingly wind up enjoying

Five ground rules here:

A. They have to be shows that, back in the day, you never would have never watched with a group of male friends under any circumstances.

B. They have to be shows you secretly enjoy.

C. Your girlfriend has to like the show at least twice as much as you.

D. The show needs to feature at least one smoking-hot female, which was the real reason you were putting up with the show (only your girl didn't realize it).

E. You have to feel like you're gaining some sort of "Now she can't give me crap about watching football for the last 11 hours" leverage from the whole thing.

Also, the George Costanza Corollary applies here. Remember the "Seinfeld" episode when George proposed to his girlfriend because he thought Jerry was going to get engaged, only Jerry called his relationship off, so poor George was stuck with a new fiancée, and the show ended with them watching the despicable "Mad About You" episode, with her smiling happily and George looking like he wanted to hang himself?

In those situations, you're not taking one for the team ... you're just plain whipped. For instance, if you watch "Will and Grace" under any circumstance other than, "I cheated on my lady a few weeks ago and this is how far I will go to get her back," you need to seriously reevaluate your life.

Here's the "Take One For the Team" Hall of Fame (in no particular order):

(I DO NOT LIKE THESE SHOWS - THIS IS JUST BY POPULAR CONSENSUS.)

"Friends" -- I'm not including the first two seasons here, when the show was actually funny and featured a beefier Jennifer Aniston at her absolute apex (yes, she had one). I'm talking about the stretch starting with the excruciating episode in which Ross confessed to Rachel that he cheated on her -- after that, there was no going back, culminating in the writers' neutering Chandler and turning Ross into a walking apocalypse. I will never understand why they chose to bitch the males on this show instead of making them like real guys. Even worse, since the females watching thought these were real guys, they invariably expected us to act like Ross and Chandler. This show gets me pissed off. Let's move on.

"Grey's Anatomy" It is what it is: A one-hour chick flick every week. There isn't a single male character on this show that I would ever hang out with. At least "ER" had Clooney's character.

"The Gilmore Girls"/"Felicity"/"Dawson's Creek" - Ladies, if you thought we were watching these shows for any reason other than Lauren Graham/Keri Russell/Katie Holmes, you're kidding yourselves. Come on. These shows all sucked.

"The Bachelor" - When it's working correctly (and that's not often), the ultimate blend of sex appeal, craziness, bitchiness, and unintentional comedy. 

The Winter Olympics - The cutoff line here is male figure skating. If you're watching male figure skaters this week, and you didn't either (A) cheat on your girl recently or (B) mistakenly dump her and now you're trying to get her back, I'm not sure what to tell you. You should never watch a sport in which you wouldn't wear the clothes of the competitors. This is one of my rules in life.

"How I Met Your Mother" - It disguises itself perfectly as "a show for men and women" when it's really a show exclusively for women. For instance, what guy do you know would meet a beautiful girl at a wedding, agree not to make a move on her for the entire night, then stick to that agreement and allow her to walk away? Has this ever happened before? We'll see whether they end up neutering the guys like "Friends" did. I remain skeptical.

1. Number of bridesmaids: +/- 6
   
2. Number of ice sculptures: +/- 3
   
3. Length of church service: +/- 45 minutes
   
4. Time when first drunk guest makes a fool out of themselves: +/- 9.30 p.m.

If your best man looks anything like Stifler or ME, he's a sure bet to screw up the toast.

2. Girl who catches the bouquet hooks up with the guy who catches the garter (10-1 odds):10-1 odds seem generous here. Hmmm....Joanne seems to be the right girl for this spot.

Just wait until these guys take off their jackets and start dancing.

7. Puking during the reception (10-1 odds): Although these odds drop to 3-1 in the general New York area.

Q: At our fantasy football draft this year, one of my buddies (also the commissioner) brought his new girlfriend so she could hang out. She didn't draft a team, but she felt the need to shout out lame comments after players were chosen, and she told her boyfriend what delivery food would not be acceptable for him to eat (he was barred from having even a slice of pizza). Needless to say, our draft was missing the usual witty one-liners and guy talk.

So does our commissioner have to step down for committing such a transgression upon his friends?

Can our draft be considered binding, or do we need to redraft without our psychologically castrated friend?

Has anyone else ever had this happen to the draft?

To redeem himself, what would he need to do?

A: First of all, this might be the most disturbing story ever... even worse than the guy in Vegas who pushed for his buddies to visit the Hoover Dam. I can't imagine why somebody would bring their girlfriend to a fantasy draft, unless there were mitigating circumstances ... like, "I can't leave her alone because she has seizures," or "We're visiting from another state, we don't have a car and there is nowhere else for her to go unless we drop her off at a mall and leave her for dead."

Anyway, here's my ruling:

A. Your buddy has to relinquish the commissioner's chair. Immediately.

B. He can't trade with anyone else all season.

C. He should throw an extra $500 into the prize money pool for ruining everyone's else's draft.

D. He can't hang out with anyone else in the draft until March Madness. Sentence him to six months of chick flicks, apple picking, "Mad About You" reruns, and contemplating his actions and the consequences of those actions.

E. He has to wear a Lisa Leslie jersey to the next draft. No ifs, ands or buts. And he has to purchase the jersey with his own money.

And if he doesn't accept those terms, he's out of the league. Case closed.